She is my new focus:
Her name is Grace, and I’m completely smitten.
I love Vegas– time is irrelevant, the lights are bright, and everything sparkles. This trip I get to spend time with 59 awesome people, only two of which I’ve met. In January BiSC seemed so very far outside my comfort zone. I was excited, but fear was winning.
I have a bit of trouble traveling.
I am very aware of my need for routine. My brain functions best when I don’t have to worry about anomalies in my schedule. My head can focus on getting through the day–on surviving and protecting itself from unnecessary stress or panic. If I have too many things outside of the norm my anxiety tends to spiral, quickly.
For the first time in a couple of years, I’m excited about going somewhere outside of my apartment. Most of the time, the outside world is nothing but anxiety ridden–now that anxiety is swirled with hope and possibility.
I think… I think this is stability. Control, in a very small way, of the depression that has been the main facet of my personality for the last 14 years. Progress.