It seems appropriate that Molly’s Fierce Love course launches today. One of the hardest things I learned while working through her course (during week two) is that self care isn’t necessarily the bright, shiny thing that I want. Self care isn’t always taking it easy. Self care is doing the things necessary to be better, not just the immediate feel better.
While waiting for the phone call from my ex yesterday, all I could think about was that I am enough. I am strong enough, intelligent enough, and caring enough. I expended all my reserves of strength. I loved her with everything I had for a long time. Even though that wasn’t enough for her, that doesn’t mean I’m not enough (and yes, I’m rocking the double negative).
22 hours ago, I said goodbye to this amazing woman for the last time. I told her we couldn’t have any contact. I was done.
She responded by asking if I expected her to fight for contact with me, because she wasn’t going to.
That’s when I started crying. Standing on State Street, waiting for a friend to meet me for dinner. After 5 years of relationship/friendship/in between somethings, she didn’t really care if we talked.
I am absolutely devastated. I am accepting this short term (or medium term) feeling for the knowledge that it will get better. I deserve better. I will find someone who will love me and not walk away when things get hard. I am worth more.
Fierce love, today, for me, is saying goodbye.